Contrails: Jan '26, Week 2

I'm back to normal I think! This past week felt really long because I was focused on only doing what I wanted to. Was still really tired for the first half of the week, but I tried to keep looking forward.

It wasn't a productive week, but I wouldn't have gotten through the week if not for...

✨ Gaming -- Started aiming for achievements in Sonic Racing, started Disco Elysium, and spent the rest of my evenings on FFXIV Savage Raids

The banter between the 2 characters I use sounds like a conversation with myself. 🤔 But I enjoy both of them very much. 🥹💜💜

I don't think I could have stayed sane through my poor FFXIV raid performance all week if not because of Sonic Racing. I'm not great at the game, but it's easier to stay determined when the only person you're failing is yourself, so any time investment goes straight into getting better, and none of it is wasting someone else's time for being a liability.

The things that both characters say throughout the game (before, during, and after races) felt like things I needed to hear. From celebrating wins, to the determination to get out of bad situations, they made me realize that somewhere along the way in FFXIV Savage Raiding (how many years has it been, now?), I started to treat the game like I did my academic studies.

Growing up, the king (my father) always told me when I didn't score full marks on an examination, "There is no such thing as a careless mistake -- there is only lack of understanding." As a result, the shame I feel every time I step up to a task or challenge only to not succeed runs deep: I fail because I thought myself intellectual enough to understand the task at hand, to be able to see every detailed step I had to take to reach success, so that the road I walk will be correct. So my failures stem from my over-self-confidence and laziness to see the absolute truth of my limited knowledge and capabilities. Thus, I must be beaten down so that I will always know my place, so that I will only accept challenges within my intellectual capacity. If I cannot visualize how I will reach the goal, and how to resolve every potential set back, I will not be able to manifest success when I take action.

It's extreme, I know. I would never expect a child to live with those expectations. But I did say that I'm a princess, right? I don't expect anyone to empathize, and so I usually keep these to myself. I try my best to live in the present, to focus on getting up when I fall, but like I said, it runs deep. Eventually it overflows whether I like it or not.

I spiraled the week before last because I stepped up and failed again and again, day after day. We raided almost every day, and I was not doing as well as I hoped. I knew deep down that I had not done enough mental practice. I had not spent enough time visualizing in my mind all the movements I had to make for every fight, especially so when our static kept changing strategies every day. Even if others don't see my failures I see it in full clarity. Every hesitation, every split second decision to send out the wrong skill despite having spent time practicing my rotation before the raid tier... I tried to remind myself that it's okay to be just "good enough" even when I believed wasn't.

But it's a new week. On Week 1 we cleared M9S. On Week 2 we cleared M10S. Our static leader's target was for us to clear M12S by Week 4. I can only hope that I find a good balance between committing enough energy to it, and saving enough energy to keep the devil at bay so that I don't burn out before the job is done.

TL;DR: I'm glad to have played Sonic Racing this week. 💜🥹

"You tried, you failed, as expected! You just can't beat the best! Sorry!" Wave's victory lines crack me up every time. Tell 'em, girl! 💜

Oh, and I started on Disco Elysium this week. Just for a little though! It's quite enjoyable, though I might only continue after my partner finishes his playthrough of Metal Gear Solid Delta. 🤔

Speaking of continuing games... it seems that I've once again stopped my BG3 Gale of Waterdeep playthrough again?! Oh well. Bye Gale! See you in 2026 H2 or something! 🤣💜

Cat tax! They're so cute.

✨ Projects -- Neck pain was causing my left ear to hurt, but...!

I finished editing the vocals of a collab. cover! 🥹🎉 Tried to get started on my solo cover that I planned to release by January, but my ears were throbbing for several days, and I needed them to feel better before FFXIV raids in the evening, so I didn't work on my own cover in the end. 🙃

Worked on a video though! It should be released soon. 💜

~💜~

Hopes for this week

♪ Work on my next cover if my ears feel better (Today my right ear hurts 🤔)

♪ Plan for February!

☆ Week 3 of 7.4 Savage Raids: We're behind the target set by our static leader, so I hope we at least get to see M4 this week...

☆ Vroom vroom Sonic Racing!

☆ Hopefully return to Disco Elysium? :)

Thank you for reading! 🌙🐰