Contrails: Jul '26, Week 2

This week was a fulfilling roller coaster. 🤔 Started the week feeling highly motivated, felt beaten down after mid-week, and ended the week feeling content. 🙏

🌙 Minerva 🌙

I was determined to test out my karaoke medley idea, so I spent a day preparing lyrics and practicing, and spent another 2 days recording vocals for a total of about 10 hours. ✨ When I was done I excitedly uploaded the test track to YouTube to check for potential copyright strikes, of which there were none. ✨ I was galvanized by the good news and decided to check out the full medley to determine the next steps... and I concluded that I didn't want to go through with the idea anymore. 💔

Tired of trying and being met with disappointment, I sat myself down to reflect. I figured that the reason why I keep walking down the "wrong" path must be because I was unaware of a blind-spot of mine as a "creator". On this blog I've attempted to articulate my thoughts on this matter several times:

[...] it was rare that I was satisfied with the end product. So now that I have enough data points, I think I am ready to move on from what I've grown comfortable doing. Knowing me, I might just backtrack on this once the going gets REALLY tough (it's going to), but I want to give it a shot.

From Contrails: Mar '26, Week 4

I tried to recall how I felt when I first started doing covers. Why did I even try to make one? Maybe somewhere along the way, I wanted to be seen as a musician too. Maybe I am torn between simply wanting to tell stories and the professional rigor I never wished for myself (guitar, dance, violin, singing). Maybe somewhere along the way, the harsh reality of internet presence started eating away at my sense of self (again). I only have hypotheses and questions, but neither conclusions nor answers. Maybe that's how blind-spots are.

But one thing is for sure: No matter how "bad" my singing was, I was proud of Minerva. I am proud of being Minerva. How far she has come, even if it isn't much. How long I've held on to her hand, taking turns to choose where to go. I give up on things that don't feel are worth my 100% easily. But I never gave up on Minerva even though she took time, money and effort to stay alive.

I don't have many illustrations of happy Mimi, so thanks Ari! 💜

So I ended the week by reviewing my project list once more. I remade a list of songs I wanted to cover with some insights:

What matters to me ★ Original/ well made instrumental: Improves satisfaction ★ Lyrics/ sentimental value: Improves motivation   ★ My vocal timbre fits the song: Improves satisfaction ★ Final product is a fully packaged MV: Improves longevity & satisfaction GOAL: To keep enjoying doing vocal recordings

The world doesn't need more vocal covers, so a lot of times I feel like I'm littering public space with my trash when I make a cover. I told my partner many times in the past year that maybe I should just give up; focus my energy on something else. But he said, "There aren't many things that you actually enjoy doing, so I don't think you should give up on recording vocal covers." Maybe he's right. Maybe there's no shame in simply wanting to record my voice saying well stringed words. Maybe it's okay to not be a musician. Maybe it's okay to not be good at anything in particular. Maybe it's okay to just be me.

So I decided to start on a project idea that my partner suggested: Compiling all the covers I've ever done into physical albums for keeping:

Song count

Minerva v0 (2019-2020): 13

Minerva v1 & v2 (2021-2022): 11

Minerva v3, (2023-2024): 11

Minerva v3, (2025-2026): 13, and counting...

I know that compared to others in the same sphere I don't have THAT many covers, but I was still impressed that I had 4 albums worth of songs. Granted that most of them were collaborations, but why should I discount my efforts just because I didn't do 100% of the work? 🥺

In any case, I've decided that uploading my covers online will just be a way to share what I did with those who care. If a song gets a copyright strike, I'll simply not upload it. Maybe I'll attempt to upload a short of it, but the point is that I don't want my self-value to be dictated by the internet -- how "good" it is, when it is allowed to simply "be", when is it "worth" to be shown to others.

Do I wish I was more "welcomed" and deemed "more skilled/ desirable" than average by majority of the populace? Of course. But maybe that was never the point.

And thus, I picked the next song to record. After all, I want to slot in a few more songs to wrap up the 4th album. ⭐️

P.S.: If you, dearest reader, know a song that would aptly wrap up my journey so far, please let me know! Although I'll likely only cover it if the original music producer has released the instrumental... Regardless, do share!

🎮 Echo 🎮

Section title change for this week, because why not.

Oh no! No watermark! But thanks again for giving life to my gaming/ fantasy immersion persona, Ari! 💙

This week's game time was a roller coaster too! Not in chronological order:

1. The week started as usual with a long, late night session of Risk of Rain 2. Like, REALLY LONG.

   

   176 minutes... That's almost 3 hours...

2. Played Forza Horizon 6 every other day to complete some of the Decades (2010s) Festival objectives. (No screenshots this week though! Oh no! 🥺) I dislike the Ariel Nomad so much. 🙃

3. Made progress with Divinity: Original Sin!

4. I forgot that Granblue Fantasy: Relink - Endless Ragnarok DLC/ expansion was to be released this week. So I returned to the game when my partner enthusiastically gifted me a copy. 🤣 Once again, I was overwhelmed by the amount of stat buffs. But with patience my partner and friend walked me through re-gearing the characters I play: Siegfried, Zeta, and now Eustace! 🐲❤️⚡(Screenshots were before they were geared up though!) I enjoyed all of their Fate episodes (background stories), so it makes me happy seeing them on the field. :) I still mainly play as Siegfried though!

   

   

   

5. Watched my partner play Oxygen Not Included. 🤔 It's not my kind of game, but he graciously allowed me to backseat game with him. 🥹💖

6. Not gaming, but I joined my partner to watch Gnosia the anime. 🤔 It's a pretty good story so far, and is even better because I don't feel tempted to cosplay any of the characters. 🥹👍💸

🐰 SPK 🐰

IYKYK. Feels like a dead name, but I still hold the alias close to my heart. 💖 My heart still skips a beat when people address me by this nickname.

Finally went to see a dermatologist for several skin problems that either worsened or arose in the past year. The appointment itself was alright, though it's been a long time since I got to experience morning rush hour. 🤔 The treatment I was prescribed doesn't seem to be working as intended, but I'll follow the instructions of the doctor and hope for the best for the follow up visit in a month's time.

I hope that I'll be better before the end of the year! ⭐️ (Now that I think about it, I might want to wear gloves if I dress up for Comic Fiesta in December. 🤔)

~💜~

Hopes for this week

♪ Practice vocals for the next cover -- I want to get back up on my feet! ♪ Friend is coming over this weekend to record her vocals for our collab. projects! 💜🖤 ♪ Maybe record vocals for the solo cover if I feel ready? 🤔

☆ Clean and tidy the house before the visit!

☆ Play Forza Horizon 6!

☆ Play Divinity!

☆ Not be a liability in GBF Relink...

☆ Finish watching Gnosia? :)

Thank you for reading! 🌙🐰