Looking back: Apr '25, Week 2

Tried to be productive this week! Was not too bad! ♪

So, can I get to the highlight of the week first? 🥹

✨ New cover -- Band cover of "Scream" from Final Fantasy XIV is out NOW!

We started on this cover October last year, so I'm glad that half a year later it's finally done! 🥹🥹🥹

Hello from my flesh self.

Yuraia put in so much effort into the mix, so I hope many people check out our cover! Please listen to it many times if you enjoyed it! 🥹

I particularly enjoyed doing the vocals for this cover because it allowed me to channel a different kind of emotion from my usual song choices. Check out the full lyrics here! There are actually other Final Fantasy XIV songs that I wish I could cover, but I'm satisfied with what I have done with this group so far. 💖

Sincerely, I don't consider myself a singer because I've never trained to be one, and I do vocal covers as a way of emotional release: to materialize thoughts and emotions to reflect upon and validate. So when I receive very kind comments about my voice, it almost feels like the comment isn't directed to me. Maybe my disconnect between my conscious thought, physical awareness, and subconscious emotional state is a lot more disconnected than I thought (i.e. that maybe being Regulus, Dominion, and Minerva isn't so far from the truth). Heck, when I listen to covers I've done over the past 6 years (even before I found myself in Minerva), I still don't recognize my own voice! 🤔

But if you do recognize my voice, and it is able to connect with you, I think all is well. 💜

✨ Gaming -- Played a bit of Monster Hunter Wilds and cleared FFXIV Savage raid floor 2! But...

... I am gonna try to chill out for the next 2 weeks. For the next 2 weeks, my static won't have full headcount, so honestly I'm not feeling very motivated to slog it out. Maybe I'll take the time to focus on practicing what I've already learned. 🤔

Tried out the Arena Challenges in MHWilds! There are 14 weapon types, but area challenges force you to use specific weapons to take down a monster. I consider myself proficient at only 2/14 weapons in MHWilds, so I ended up trying some new weapons for some of the challenges. Was pretty fun messing around since the monsters were pretty easy to hunt in the first place. 🙃

I'll stick to my comfy weapons though! I'm already too poor to craft weapons of a 3rd type.

✨ Cover projects -- Got good progress!

Hope to release this cover by the end of this week or the middle of next week! It's a song outside my comfort zone, so I'm not confident that I did a good job with this one. But I really love the lyrics, and was hooked after hearing it for first time, so I had to cover it!

Please look forward to it. 💜

Besides, I want to work on a new project, so the faster I get this done, the sooner I get to move on to the next! 🥺

✨ Touching grass -- Hung out with Ari and Yuraia! We decided to meet one last time before Ari heads back to her home country. 🥹 I took a whole day to finally say over dinner that I hope we will continue to do things together online. It's not like we can't meet ever again, but I've said enough goodbyes to know that unless there is a practical plan to keep lives intertwined, life can drive people apart simply because there are green pastures anywhere as long as you keep looking for them. Why cling on to one that's difficult to access, right?

Ari's updates about her moving back home prompted me to reflect on our friendship. Although our friendship is a personal matter, I want to put it out there what it is to me right now, because I don't know what the future holds. Maybe one day I'll look back and laugh, scoff, or feel bittersweet reading this, but I think it's a story that gives me hope that life can change for the better.

So here goes. Ah hem. (Dominion had better remember this right.)

I first met Ari at a social gathering at a cafe/ brunch place. I was asked by Yuraia to join him to meet some of his friends, and that there was someone he would be meeting for the first time as well - that person was Ari. I still remember that Ari and I sat at opposite ends of a long table because Yuraia and his friends sat together along the middle. I couldn't get a good look at her because there was a lot of back light behind her, but I got a sense that she was really reserved and careful with her words. She was there because she wanted to try singing for a live audience as part of a band for the first time.

It must have been a really nerve wrecking experience for her, but since I was there just to introduce myself, I felt really disconnected from the whole social interaction. This was their matter, and I was just a bystander.

Several years passed this way, with me being invited by Yuraia to hang out with people I considered to be "Yuraia's music friends". To me, Ari was just an acquaintance I got to know from across the table that day. Over the years, I noticed that she paid attention to the things that I liked and called me a friend. But I thought that she might have been like most people I've met: friends are easy to make, but also easy to let go and turn on. I kept her at arms length because as someone who either gives 0% or 100% of myself to something, why should I invest my energy to care deeply about this person?

But then there came a day when I realized that she had been selectively letting me (and Yuraia) in on some of her struggles. It sounds rather dumb in hindsight, but I didn't know what to make of that knowledge. I decided to settle for that Yuraia was a trusted friend (he's very trustworthy!), and that she felt that I was someone she could trust who knows how to keep matters private, doesn't judge, and would be willing to listen.

(I am bad at interpreting intentions so I always imagine as many possibilities as I can and just pick one...🥺)

One day, while I was at work (legit work I was employed to do. Haha) she reached out to me directly via text. She made it sound like a really casual request for advice, but I read in-between the lines and realized that it was a call for help. In that moment, it really felt like reality hit me like a truck. This person considered me someone she could trust with the most serious of matters, and here I am looking the other way.

Thing is, I wasn't keeping my distance out of malice... I just didn't want to get hurt. Hurt by the emptiness of being left out in the cold when I was no longer convenient to "friends". But then I realized that this person was in pain (figuratively), and there were so many others who could better help her, but she chose to look my way. In fact, that particular day she looked to me and not Yuraia, who I was pretty much using as an excuse to keep my distance.

I've never looked away since. I decided that day, that even if there came a day when I am no longer needed by this person, that I have been replaced in their life, that they were worth my dedication. Dedication sounds like a very serious word, but to me it is simply something you can give to someone without needing a return, or from anyone else. Maybe that is what some people mean by "love"?

Back to present time! It is my sincere hope that she will find ways to thrive wherever she goes from here. When we saw her off at the train station this past weekend, I waved, put on as normal a smile as I could, and said, "See you online!" I couldn't bear to promise her things like "let's meet up again someday!" because life can be a cruel mistress, and I didn't want to possibly burden her (and Yuraia) with a memory of an unfulfilled promise.

So I'll continue to do what is within my means everyday! That way, nothing has changed! I hope she'll remember that there's a creepy, twin-tailed blondie clad in black somewhere on the internet who would magically resurface at the command of the snow bunny lady. 💜

Ari says she'll haunt us, but maybe spirits stay in the mortal realm because they aren't being let go. 🤔💖

~💜~

Hopes for this week

♪ Get good progress with the upcoming cover.

♪ Create a plan for the next Discord community event... whenever it might happen.

☆ FFXIV: Savage raid week 3! Hope to have no expectations this week. 🤔

Thank you for reading! 🌙🐰