Looking back: Sep '25, Week 1

Mood. 🙃

Where did the week go? 🤔 I think I accomplished quite a bit this past week, but nothing much that's worth sharing/ can be shared here. As I'm writing this, there's drilling and sawing happening behind me as my living room needed to get 9 tiles replaced. So please forgive the incoherent writing as it is difficult to focus right now. 🙃

✨ The horrors of apartment living -- Was haunted by a hairline crack on a wall all week

On 22 August, I discovered a hairline crack in my bedroom that stretched from the floor all the way up a wall. This was after an evening of pretty intense drilling and hammering from the unit below. My guess was that whatever work below caused the crack, but the point was getting it fixed. It was patched up after a pretty swift plaster and paint job by the building management, but it tended to reappear in the late afternoon (around 5PM) and disappear after sunset.

It was difficult to explain the situation to the building management because they dismissed my claims as "impossible", and whenever they came down to my unit the crack couldn't be seen. So I made sure to take a video to show them, and boy were they surprised. 🙃They immediately decided to remove the external plaster to reveal the concrete wall underneath and lo and behold, the crack was still there.

This time round more steps were taken to patch the crack back up, but I was advised by my interior designer that it is very likely that the crack will resurface repeatedly due to expansion and contraction. Oh well... as long as I don't fall out of my house I'm fine! 💀

✨ Gaming -- Played Don't Starve Together and Etherfields (tabletop)

I don't really have much to say about my game time this week (love both games very much though). But reflecting on the sessions this week made me think that after years of playing team games, being a good team player probably isn't about being exceptional at the game mechanics (carrying the team), or working well with the other players (being a good support). It might just be my personal experience, but I find the most satisfaction when I can focus on getting better at 1 aspect of the game that needs attending to, then gradually branch out my skills so that the team doesn't fall apart the moment one person goes down.

It also means that if I'm suddenly asked to give up my role that I've spent time growing into, I easily get annoyed if I think I could do a better job than whoever took over. That's quite toxic and counterproductive, isn't it? :(

So I took a moment this week to take a deep breath and come to terms with human creativity -- who is to say that my methods for completing a task, as well thought out as they may be, are the best? I could learn how to do a better job by observing the successes and failures of others, so what is there to hate? 🤔

Here's hoping that I remember to take a picture or two of my game time this week instead of being a hater. 🤣

✨ Music projects -- Planned my projects for the rest of the year

Would love to report that I'm back to the grind, but I struggled to make any progress at all because of my crippling lack of self-confidence. 🤣

I listen to my past covers often because I don't know what I'm capable of: What I sound like, what my vocal range is, what is comfortable, and where I can improve. But on most days, singing (producing a pleasant sound) doesn't come easy for me and it's not about vocal warm ups -- when I'm focused on singing I can't listen, and when I'm focused on listening I can't sing. Singing feels like the physical version of myself is in control, while listening feels like the internal version of myself is. The sound I made just a second ago feels like it died with that version of myself, and being able to reproduce the sound doesn't feel like practice - it feels as transient as my present self. I can't seem to wrap my head around potential, so the present is my reality: One bad practice session and I'm ready to throw in the towel. 🥺

But thanks to that I've found motivation to try something new instead. Here's hoping that I can find joy in what I've planned for the rest of the year.

I want to do good with joy, so that my future self and others can find the motivation to strive for the same.

✨ Random interesting thing -- Tuned in to Enki's Live2D Debut stream! (Twitch VOD here!)

Been looking forward to this for a while now! Enki had mentioned during several streams across the year how he had spent considerable time, effort, and money to carefully plan for this, so I eventually found myself quietly cheering for him. It's rather uncharacteristic of me because I usually draw very clear lines for who I consider friends, whom I will spend time and energy on, and acquaintances, people I don't understand/ know well enough but I know exist. But alas, I feel what I feel, and I was hoping for the best for him.

The stream went well, all his new stream assets were pretty, and I'm sincerely happy to see his efforts pay off! :) It brought back fond memories of Ari's debut streams. 💜

✨ Just thoughts

I wonder if I could ever make friends online too. 🤔🥹 I think I'm too intense for the Internet's casual landscape. Everyone's going to run away! 🤣🥺

Speaking of intense: I think people are so multifaceted that no one, not even themselves, will be able to find all the words to describe themselves. But I've been asked the question "Describe yourself in 1/ 3 words" enough times that it left me wondering what the correct answer was. The words I used in the past never quite fit: Serious, Sincere, Imposing, Detailed, Self-motivated, etc.. The next time I get asked that question, I'm going to say "Intense":

intense /ɪnˈtɛns/ adjective 1. of extreme force, degree, or strength. 2. having or showing strong feelings or opinions; extremely earnest or serious.

From Google

But hey I love being completely nonsensical too. I just like to go all the way. It's always 0% or 100%. 🐰✨

Anyways, what a dry post this turned out to be. 🤔🤔🤔 Clearly I need to go touch grass/ do more mentally stimulating things this week. Maybe I need to do less housework!!! 🎉🎉🎉

~💜~

Hopes for this week

♪ Err... Umm... Determination...!

☆ Finish putting up prints: I can only proceed after the crack in my wall is fixed and painted.

☆ Play Don't Starve Together :D

☆ Touch grass

Thank you for reading! 🌙🐰