Words: I see red when feeling blue

Some time ago, I found myself walking through town in a dissociative blur. I was rushing between places to run errands, and the noise in my mind felt louder than the crowd I shuffled past. I tried to write down how I felt, but words are difficult. Today I recalled the writings, and took a look at my phone's notepad. A few words in, and I'm spiraling again.

It's a past I struggle with, and have yet to found a song that helps me feel better. It's difficult to talk about because it seems like the loud majority won't be able to empathize. I think the most well-meaning of individuals would try, but no one will be able to illuminate the matter and push out the darkness.

I created this blog to share my thoughts. So I'll put it out there. I'll try my best to tie up loose ends so that if I ever reread this, that I know that I always have a choice to walk in the light.

Disclaimer: Looking back, it is a very weak attempt at being poetic and cryptic -- I was just choosing words that felt right. Please be kind.

~🌙~

Once turned, twice strung,

They say third time's the charm.

Living for your praise,

I practiced calligraphy with a blade.

You sold my soul to the devil,

Yet you're still my 11th commandment.

Your scars may have healed,

But I still just want to feel something.

Sink your eyes into my depths,

Don't settle for the darkness perceived.

Bleed me dry in the rain,

My bloodstained eyes see only you.

Only you...

I see red when feeling blue.

Don't worry, I'll live forever for you.

Wretched life on the sidewalk -

Who will catch her fading silhouette in the fog?

How much pain does sorrow cost?

I'll be back tomorrow for another shot.

Even if I'm never enough,

It's never enough.

"Your scars have healed"

"You're in a better place now"

Will you believe me if I told you

That I still just want to feel something?

This insatiable hunger put my body to the test

But in a peaceful coffin I now rest

Knock thrice, may I never rise again,

For surely this time, master, these fangs will bring about my demise.

For only you, Could skewer my soul so deep it didn't hurt.

If only you,

Could bleed someone else when she had nothing left to give.

But only you,

Could frame my skin into an iron maiden.

And only I,

Will continue to see red when I feel blue.

For only I,

Could choose to walk in the sun even if it burns.

If only I,

Could feel for others so they will never turn like I did.

But only I,

Could spend the rest of this eternity in the dark,

So only you,

Can find my light shining gently for us.

~🌙~

I feel better.

Thank you for reading.